This past weekend was a real…struggle. BUT, I will say, there was some beauty in the struggle.
For me (and probably many of y’all), holidays such as Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. almost always mean that there will be a family gathering of some sort and, of course, lots and lots of food. Really, any family/friend gathering typically involves at least some type of food or snack. Am I right, or am I right??? This can be veryyyy overwhelming for me, as I’m still in the beginning stages of recovery.
This past weekend I didn’t just have one Easter gathering to go to. No.. I had THREE. Two days, three get togethers, and three meals. It was very overwhelming to say the least.
Going into the weekend, my therapist and I set up a plan to better prepare me for (and help me cope with) the eventful weekend I had ahead of me. I was surprised at how well the plan actually worked (for the most part at least)!!!
Now, that’s not to say that everything was 100% perfect and I was totally unbothered. I was still extremely anxious and nervous going into each event, but I stuck with the plan and ate the foods I wanted, avoided the foods I didn’t want, and I didn’t allow anyone to tell me what to eat or how much to eat.
It was hard not to get caught up in what other people were thinking of me and my food choices, it was hard not to notice the occasional “side-eye” glances I felt from others, it was hard being around so much food for so long, it was hard for me to eat around so many different people, in multiple different environments….
It was hard. It was overwhelming. And it was emotional.
But when Monday morning rolled around, and as I thought back on the weekend and how exhausting it was mentally and emotionally, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit proud of myself. Proud that I stuck with my plan, proud that I put myself and my well-being first, & just overall proud that I was able to make it through the weekend.
As humans, I think we often get down on ourselves (and others) way too easily. We put these high expectations on ourselves to be perfect and to please everyone. But unfortunately, and I’m learning this the hard way, you can NEVER please everyone. It just isn’t possible. Which, DUH, that really sucks.. especially if you’re what’s called a “people pleaser.”
If you know me, you know I’m a HUGE people pleaser. It’s seriously a major problem of mine. I always want to make everyone around me happy, not step on anyone’s toes, not offend anyone, nothing. I’m that girl who so desperately wants to fix everyone else’s problems so badly and be “enough” for everyone else, that I lose sight of my own happiness and my own needs that should also be focused on.
Whoever is reading this, let’s be real.. we will never ever ever be enough for this world. Never. Because NEWS FLASH: God didn’t create us to please this world, He created us all for HIS pleasure. In God’s eyes, we are all more than enough, we are HIS children!! Unfortunately, this creates a conflict. God is truth, and the world tells us these lies in an attempt to take us away from Him. Many of us (especially myself) get wrapped up in following the lead of our insecurities when we should really be following our Creator.
God created us the way we are for a reason, and He created us all for a much bigger purpose. And I promise that purpose isn’t to look pretty, or be super skinny or extremely fit, or have the most instagram likes on our pictures. Our purpose is to be a light; To live and love like Jesus, and to pursue God, not compliments.
So yeah, maybe this weekend I didn’t live up to other people’s expectations. Maybe I didn’t please everyone with how much or what I chose to eat. But instead of worrying about eating and being enough for everyone else or allowing my insecurities to overcome me, I chose to do what was necessary for my recovery by sticking with my plan, & choosing to believe in God’s truth that I AM ENOUGH through Christ and I don’t have to please this world and everyone in it.
I encourage anyone who is reading this to find happiness in who you are, what you do, progress you are making (in whatever it may be), and hold on to and trust that YOU ARE ENOUGH, because God made you in His image and He calls you His child!