So many of us have been raised and taught that showing love and kindness means sacrificing what we may need to feel okay.
But that’s not okay.
And it’s definitely not a healthy way of showing up for people. It’s just not sustainable. NO connection is worth ignoring your own physical, mental, or emotional needs.
One key aspect that I’m having to learn, is that sometimes you just HAVE to choose yourself.
In my life, that means choosing recovery over people, things, or situations that may be triggering and can possibly lead to a set back.
As humans we tend to forget that self-care IS NOT SELFISH.
Let me say this again…
Choosing to put your personal well-being first IS NOT selfish!!!
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to have needs that may be different than other people’s.
You are allowed to need space and time spent alone.
You are allowed to take things as slow as you want.
You are allowed to set limits and boundaries.
You are allowed to turn down plans for the betterment of your well-being.
If you’re friends and/or family/loved ones get angry or disappointed, it doesn’t mean you should have complied and just said yes. Or if you’re afraid they’ll get angry or disappointed, that DOES NOT mean you should feel obligated to say yes. It doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re selfish or a bad person.
It means you VALUE yourself and your personal needs.
Coming from someone who alwayssssss wants to please every person and make everyone happy no matter the consequences… it’s so important for us (yes, I’m preaching to myself as well!) to learn that sometimes, in order to take care of ourselves, we are going to inadvertently disappoint or inconvenience people. And yeah, it’s uncomfortable — but not as uncomfortable as living in a way that doesn’t honor our well-being and forces us to sacrifice ourselves.
If you can make a shift to accommodate other’s needs and still be respectful of your own boundaries, that’s wonderful! All the power to ya! But if you aren’t able to maintain a connection or relationship without constantly sacrificing your well-being and what’s best for you, it’s not the right person to invest in.
We need to understand that boundaries are just conditions that allow us to take care of ourselves. They don’t mean you don’t care. They aren’t hateful. They are simply guides for how others can care for you and how you can better care for yourself.
The month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I personally think people need to be made more aware of the fact that we are ALL entitled to be selfish, ESPECIALLY when it comes to our mental health.
And I promise you, at the end of the day, your well-being is far more important than other people’s comfort.