Y’all have read all my rants about the messiness of eating disorders, you’ve heard me complain about the hardest parts of my journey, and y’all have learned about some of the many lessons I’m learning along the way.
But I don’t believe I’ve ever really shared my reasons WHY with you all..
WHY I chose to fight.
WHY I chose to seek professional help after 2 years of giving myself to this disease.
WHY I am choosing to breakup with my ED and leave it in the dust.
WHY I don’t give up even on the hardest of days.
WHY I choose recovery. Every. Single. Day.
So, if you’d like to know (or even if you don’t)… below are MY reasons why (in no particular order)👇🏼:
My family is SO important to me.
I am incredibly blessed to have the loving, supportive, close-knit family that God has given me. They mean the world to me and I swear I’d do anything for them.
Family are the ones who have always been there.
Through the good and the bad.
Through the terrible 2’s (which lasted way past the age of 2..sorry mom & dad).
Through the awkward stages of puberty, braces, crazy hormones, bullying, and lots of growth spurts.
Through the endless basketball games, hours of traveling, practices, trainings, and injuries.
Through the difficult classes, emotional breakdowns, mood swings, and anxiety attacks.
Through many tears and many laughs.
Without fail, without hesitation, family is always there.
Without my family, I wouldn’t even have the means or opportunity to seek treatment. I wouldn’t have a strong, sacrificial, support system who makes all this possible.
I owe it to them to fight with all I have. To kick this thing to the curb, and move past it with no looking back.
2. My Future
At the end of my life I don’t want to look back and see a life full of pain, weakness, loss, loneliness, or hopelessness.
I think it’s safe to say no one does!
Instead, I want to see a life full of joy, hard work, strength, success, lessons learned, memories made, and love freely given.
I want to get married to the love of my life one day, and I want to be present in our marriage every single second. I want to travel the world with my husband and cherish every single moment we have together — not distracted by the voices of the enemy.
I want to have kids of our own one day. I want to be a loving and caring mother and a positive role model for them. I want to enjoy watching them grow up and start their own lives — not leave them behind and without a mother because I chose to give my life to this disease instead of them.
I want to succeed and flourish in my career and be my best self I can possibly be for my coworkers and clients — not drained of energy by this life-sucking disease.
I want to be a light and show love. I want to spread awareness. I want to be an encourager, a safe place, and a voice for those being held down by mental illness.
I want to be here.
I want to be a part of this life.
I don’t want to be a broken soul walking around in a seemingly lifeless body, constrained by the shackles of self-loathing and shame.
I want to run, jump, dance, hug, laugh, cry, and just BE.
So, future self, this one’s for you.
3. My Creator
The Source of my strength.
The One that gives me hope in the fire, and peace during the storms.
God’s given me the tools, resources, and an abundance of love that allows me to wake up each morning ready and willing to give it my all and fight against the lies of the enemy.
He has given me His Word, encouraging and uplifting friends and family, and so many beautiful places that speak so much Truth into my life and help guide my path and ease my anxious mind.
He catches me when I stumble, brushes off all the dirtiness of my shame and guilt, covers me with His grace, then leans in and whispers, “begin again.”
My Father has given me so many things to live for and has blessed me with every single one of these reasons WHY.
Though I’m not perfect, and will fall many times, I will continue to fight the good fight — to take back this one, precious and purposeful life that The Source of Life has gifted me.
I truly believe that in order to achieve our goals in life it is super important to have a strong reason(s) why.
WHY you do something is more important than HOW. And, if you don’t have a strong enough why, then the how isn’t going to even matter.
When your reason why is big enough you will do almost anything. It’s very powerful. It becomes the driving force behind every action we take to achieve that goal. Without it, we won’t get very far and success won’t come. But by reminding ourselves of our reasons every single day, we are able to stay motivated and eventually achieve what we set out to do.
The power of why will get you to write your book early before work or late at night when everyone is asleep, it will get you to the gym on a Sunday morning before church, it will keep you focused while studying all hours of the night, it will keep you making phone calls when everyone else has already told you no.
Your why is going to motivate you to push past the obstacles and challenges when they arise. It will help keep you pressing forward even when you feel like you can’t go on any further. It will unleash a fearless determination in you that you may not have realized you even had.
So… what’s YOUR why?